Miss Picky's Senior Year

My Friend stopped in at one of Miss Picky's Home Games this fall.  She was able to grab a few pictures of our beautiful Cheerleader.

Seniors!

 Seniors!

How is it possible that Miss Picky is a Senior this year!  Wasn't it just yesterday that she was in the backseat of my car as we drove all over going to Midget Football games?  She cannot be a Senior!

But, I guess she is.

And she is a beautiful girl.

Here, the school photographer snapped a photo of the Seniors on the School Football Squad.

MS Monday - Three Hundred Sixty-Five

Three Hundred Sixty Five.

When we think of that number, we usually think of celebrations.  Unfortunately, this number reflects the number of injections I've given myself in the last year.

Injections of a chemical that  . . . . well, in all honesty . . . . we don't know if it's working.  A chemical that *fingers crossed* is making the progression of the MonSter slow down.

NOT a cure.

Three Hundred Sixty Five days of wishing and hoping.

Three Hundred Sixty Five days of bleeding like a busted pipe, bruising, or no pain at all.

My arms are starting to get the indentations the brochures show.

I've been reduced to tears after one of my girls accidnetally bumped an injection site.

I've had many conversations with God, asking HIM to PLEASE let the decision to put this chemical in my body be the right one.  At first, I wanted to go without treatment, but then I thought of my girls.  I need to be there for them as long as possible.

Three Hundred Sixty Five.  I wonder what the next full sharps container will bring.

MS Fatigue

MS Fatigue.  The horrible MonSter that won't go away.

I remember reading a Stephen King book, or short story.  I really can't recall today which it was.  What I do remember is the main character being trapped inside his own head while a bad guy took over.  The main character could think, feel, worry . . . but couldn't control his body as the bad guy locked him in an office type room.

This, to me, is the perfect example of MS and MS fatigue.

My bestie and her hubby want to do a family date and go to the fair.

I am excited by this.

BUT - I am also locked in a part of my head .  .  . in my story, my place where I am held prisoner is a beautiful field with beautiful flowers and a stream . . . where it's not too hot or not too cold.  But, we won't dwell here.

Because, this is also a prison for me.  I can be in this beautiful place and appreciate it.  This is where I was doing the happy dance that our friends wanted to go out with us.

BUT . . . 

MS currently has me a prisoner.  I am tired.  I am dead dog tired.  I am so tired that, after being up less than two hours, I told my hubster and girlies that I couldn't do it and crawled back in bed.  I slept for a good hour.  Then, I was up, to sit on the couch and then took another nap approximately two hours later.

While holding me hostage and making me sleep, the MonSter has adopted the "I Don't Care" attitude.  This MonSter doesn't want me to participate in life.  MS has made me, this week, not even want to crawl out of bed.  I don't care to cook.  I don't care to have a birthday celebration for my girlie.  I don't care that my friends want to go out.  The only thing that the MonSter really wants me to do is curl up and sleep.

In my beautiful field that is a prison, I am trying to fight against the MonSter, but it is hard.  VERY HARD.  Please forgive me if I present the I don't care image when I am around you.  Please, please know that it really isn't me.  It's the MonSter that is holding me hostage.

MS Monday

I have decided to be thankful that MS came into my life.  YES, I know!  WHY would a want to thank something that limits my activities, makes it hard to think of common words, and could leave me crippled later in life????

Well . . .

I'm thankful for MS for teaching me to stop and enjoy the small things in life.  I don't think I would have enjoyed the cuddles from my girls as much as I do now!  I would enjoy the walks we take, the hugs, the hand holding.  I wouldn't enjoy the basics of life, such as cooking, weeding the garden, and laughing like I do now!

So yes, for this week, I will say that I'm actually thankful this MonSter came into my life!

Friday Favorites

Our flowers are in full bloom this week!  I love walking around the yard and seeing the blooms, like old friends who have come for a visit!

MS Monday

i am so proud of my WalkMS team.  we are currently in first place for amount of money raised as well as with number of Team Members.  woohoo!

there was a posting on one of the MS sites I haunt.  it was saying that fatty tissue may lead to a cure.  i was flippant and said THIS is why I am fat.

Friday Favorites

hugs from my girls
the post work out ache . . . means i made it thru another workout!
blooming lilacs and blooming pink cherry trees (just stepping out of my house means being tempted by the wonderful scents)
gentle thunderstorms
good news during a work meeting
friendships that have lasted since childhood
homemade popsicles
homemade bread with real butter
nike shoes (especially when obtained with a friends and family discount)
yard sale season

Walk MS

Team No MS'ing "Round

I was asked to be a Team Captain this year for the MS Walk in my Home Town.  I decided to accept the request and went about asking people to walk or make a donation.  We ended up with at least 21 walkers - the final numbers aren't in.  I know that there were at least 9 people who were at the walk who are not pictured above.

My Team is currently in first place!  Now, I have some goals for next year . . . let's see if we can make this an annual tradition!

How awesome a group of Friends and Family?  

The best part - the rain held off until after we finished our walk!

Addictions

1.  Blackberry Tea with local Raw Honey
2.  Any workout by the Firm
3.  Essential Oils
4.  Pink Salt
5.  S'mores made with Godiva Chocolates

Just a few things I'm really liking right now :)

The Week of Worry

So, a friend of mine had a few anxious days while waiting to see if she would have a BFP or if her period was just being ornery.

In those few days, we had quite a few conversations . . . when our babies WERE babies, we both wanted more!  Then, as the babies grew into toddlers and our older toddlers became Big Bad PreK's, well, we started to realize we were blessed with what we had and didn't need any more babies.

Yes, sometimes we were lying to ourselves and to each other when we said that.  But, in the past year, life has changed for both of us.  When I was sitting there, jealousy gnawing at my belly with the thought of my friend potentially "cooking" baby number three, I started to realize how unfair it would be for any baby that I had now.  At least my two had a health(ish) Mommy for a few years. . . . a new baby wouldn't have any of that.

The jealousy slowly began to go away.  And . . . . well, the thought of her pregnancy didn't really bother me so much anymore.  I actually started to get excited for her.  THIS baby of hers - well, I could enjoy it like I hadn't her two others!   We would love the snot out of the little guy (or gal) . . . we wouldn't care the gender as we'd love whatever baby would be delivered into the family.

With this acceptance, I began to help my friend who was still in the "NONONONONO!" stage . . . Things happen for a reason .  .  . AND it's better to have an OOOPS! baby now instead of when our kiddos are in high school as so often happens!

Just when she decided to be okay with the potential pregnancy and began enjoying the thought of the OOOPS! baby happening now, she ended up with a bad case of cramps and her period.

Yes, I will say I was a little happy that we wouldn't be going through her pregnancy . . . but also a little sad.  I will say, though, that I am very grateful for this scare as it help me do quite a bit of soul searching in the week of worry . . . .

Valentine's Day Sweeties

I couldn't ask for any better blessings!  

My Two Valentine's Day Sweeties!

I HATE MS

Why yes, that does say I owe $4035 for meds . . . for one month.

Why yes, I was in tears most of this week trying to figure out how I will pay for this and if it's worth me being on these meds.

Why yes, the stress has gotten to me.

Why no, I don't think $4035 is worth it each month - especially as I am still blind in my right eye.

Why yes, I want to go find a place to hide and pretend everything is perfect and I don't have to deal with any of this.

Why yes, I think MS is horrible.

Oh - and for those of you at a certain store today who frowned at me when I wouldn't donate $2 for MS Society . . . please look at the above bill.  I am donating $2 to MS - as well as another $4033 this month!  Sad thing is, I didn't get a bright orange bracelet to go along with MY donation.