I HATE MS

Why yes, that does say I owe $4035 for meds . . . for one month.

Why yes, I was in tears most of this week trying to figure out how I will pay for this and if it's worth me being on these meds.

Why yes, the stress has gotten to me.

Why no, I don't think $4035 is worth it each month - especially as I am still blind in my right eye.

Why yes, I want to go find a place to hide and pretend everything is perfect and I don't have to deal with any of this.

Why yes, I think MS is horrible.

Oh - and for those of you at a certain store today who frowned at me when I wouldn't donate $2 for MS Society . . . please look at the above bill.  I am donating $2 to MS - as well as another $4033 this month!  Sad thing is, I didn't get a bright orange bracelet to go along with MY donation.

Homecoming Weekend

Yup, it was homecoming last weekend.  

My Dad, Mom, 88 year old Gram and Miss Mia rode in the truck to pull the cheerleaders.  Gram and Miss Mia tossed candy - the highlight of the day for Miss Mia!

Our team won!

A Few Steps Down the Road - After the MS Diagnosis

I have been living with MS a few months now.

They have been interesting months.  I have realized that friends are wonderful to have during this time.  I have discovered that I have the words most awesome set of parents.  I now know that my daughters will be caring individuals due to watching (and being part) of the struggles life is currently tossing this way.  I have also discovered how supportive some of my coworkers can be - with checking in emails and just a "thinking of you email."  A manager within my company has a wife with MS, and he has been a wonderful means of support - and brain-picking resource!

Injecting myself with Copaxone daily is a habit I really don't think about much now.  Yes, I still hate the thought of placing even more chemicals in my body, but if this helps slow down more lesions, I am all for it.  I want as much time with my daughters as possible.  The bruising and the bleeding is minimal now.  I still swell, but nothing like I did the first month or two.  My daughters also love the game of "find the booboo".  Then again, Miss Mia enjoys watching me give myself an injection.  Can we say future doctor?

The last of the summer months were miserable for me.  Blinking pretty much made me so tired that I didn't feel I could move.  Fortuately, I have my awesome parents right next door who were willing to take care of the girls and keep an eye on them while I rested.

Now that fall, and cooler temps, have arrived, I have more energy.  I feel I can join in more with my daughters.

I will say that I still want nothing to do with crowds and my vision has not improved in the least.  This makes me depressed and frustrated as I really want to get a better camera and take pictures - but why bother when I can't see well to begin?  And the crowds . . . thank goodness for a husband who doesn't mind taking the girls places, and my Mom for also helping take up my slack!

The tingling/numbness is still present and part of my everyday life.  So frustrating to doubt my ability to hold things, and the exploded lasagna and salad from this summer makes me remember that I have to be totally present when carrying and/or holding something.  I've also requested friends don't toss their babies in my arms for this reason.  Again, I want nothing more than to hold them, but after those incidents, I don't feel I can trust my arms and hands unless I'm sitting down and have additional support for the baby!

If nothing else, MS has, again, made me appreciate the wonderful people with whom I have surrounded myself!

Doctor! Doctor!

So . . . it seems I've neglected this blog . . . and it's true, I have.  Found some things out in the last few months.

I started working from home full time in March.  I still had some worried about if it was the right decision for me.  I thought it was, since I could be home with the girls - and if something happened to my Gram, the Hubster would be able to run down and help out with the situation.  But - I also knew I would miss my friends.

I do miss my friends, but most of us find ways to get together for dinners or various other activities.  I love being home with the girls.

Then, something happened in April - I lost vision in my right eye.  If I can find the energy, I'll write another post about that entire situation.  Instead, we'll just say that the loss of vision lead to MRI.  The same night I had MRI, the doc's office called me to let me know that I had abnormalities on my brain that could be Lyme's or MS.

Took a blood test.  It wasn't Lyme's.

Had a spinal and two more MRI.  Lots of doctors' appointments.

It is confirmed.  I have MS.

I am now on Copaxone - giving myself shots each day.

It's starting to sink in that I'm not going to be the way cool Mother I thought I was going to be.  The heat this summer pretty much kills me.  I fear that I won't be able to do amusement parks, beaches, any other summer activities with the gals.  I want them to have summers as fun as I had, but I don't know how it will work.  Fingers crossed that this will go away for long periods of time and I can have some of my energy back - and ability to go outside in the sun and in the heat.

If not . . . well, I love taking vacations in the winter . . . and walking on the tepid beach is all I really need to do.  The girls can always swim in the heated pools at the hotels . . .

But yes, I still exist.

Yes, I have MS.

and yes, I plan to start updating my dart more often . . . if only to get some of this out of my head . . .

oh, and yes, working from home has been the best decision - things happen for a reason.  AND it appears the reason was the diagnosis that would come just a short while after I started from home!

Family Photos from Christmas