MS Monday - Three Hundred Sixty-Five

Three Hundred Sixty Five.

When we think of that number, we usually think of celebrations.  Unfortunately, this number reflects the number of injections I've given myself in the last year.

Injections of a chemical that  . . . . well, in all honesty . . . . we don't know if it's working.  A chemical that *fingers crossed* is making the progression of the MonSter slow down.

NOT a cure.

Three Hundred Sixty Five days of wishing and hoping.

Three Hundred Sixty Five days of bleeding like a busted pipe, bruising, or no pain at all.

My arms are starting to get the indentations the brochures show.

I've been reduced to tears after one of my girls accidnetally bumped an injection site.

I've had many conversations with God, asking HIM to PLEASE let the decision to put this chemical in my body be the right one.  At first, I wanted to go without treatment, but then I thought of my girls.  I need to be there for them as long as possible.

Three Hundred Sixty Five.  I wonder what the next full sharps container will bring.

MS Fatigue

MS Fatigue.  The horrible MonSter that won't go away.

I remember reading a Stephen King book, or short story.  I really can't recall today which it was.  What I do remember is the main character being trapped inside his own head while a bad guy took over.  The main character could think, feel, worry . . . but couldn't control his body as the bad guy locked him in an office type room.

This, to me, is the perfect example of MS and MS fatigue.

My bestie and her hubby want to do a family date and go to the fair.

I am excited by this.

BUT - I am also locked in a part of my head .  .  . in my story, my place where I am held prisoner is a beautiful field with beautiful flowers and a stream . . . where it's not too hot or not too cold.  But, we won't dwell here.

Because, this is also a prison for me.  I can be in this beautiful place and appreciate it.  This is where I was doing the happy dance that our friends wanted to go out with us.

BUT . . . 

MS currently has me a prisoner.  I am tired.  I am dead dog tired.  I am so tired that, after being up less than two hours, I told my hubster and girlies that I couldn't do it and crawled back in bed.  I slept for a good hour.  Then, I was up, to sit on the couch and then took another nap approximately two hours later.

While holding me hostage and making me sleep, the MonSter has adopted the "I Don't Care" attitude.  This MonSter doesn't want me to participate in life.  MS has made me, this week, not even want to crawl out of bed.  I don't care to cook.  I don't care to have a birthday celebration for my girlie.  I don't care that my friends want to go out.  The only thing that the MonSter really wants me to do is curl up and sleep.

In my beautiful field that is a prison, I am trying to fight against the MonSter, but it is hard.  VERY HARD.  Please forgive me if I present the I don't care image when I am around you.  Please, please know that it really isn't me.  It's the MonSter that is holding me hostage.

MS Monday

I have decided to be thankful that MS came into my life.  YES, I know!  WHY would a want to thank something that limits my activities, makes it hard to think of common words, and could leave me crippled later in life????

Well . . .

I'm thankful for MS for teaching me to stop and enjoy the small things in life.  I don't think I would have enjoyed the cuddles from my girls as much as I do now!  I would enjoy the walks we take, the hugs, the hand holding.  I wouldn't enjoy the basics of life, such as cooking, weeding the garden, and laughing like I do now!

So yes, for this week, I will say that I'm actually thankful this MonSter came into my life!

Friday Favorites

Our flowers are in full bloom this week!  I love walking around the yard and seeing the blooms, like old friends who have come for a visit!

MS Monday

i am so proud of my WalkMS team.  we are currently in first place for amount of money raised as well as with number of Team Members.  woohoo!

there was a posting on one of the MS sites I haunt.  it was saying that fatty tissue may lead to a cure.  i was flippant and said THIS is why I am fat.